Writing a eulogy is one of the hardest things you'll ever be asked to do. You're grieving. You're exhausted. And you need to find words that honour someone who meant everything to you.
This guide will help you through it. Take it one step at a time.
First, Give Yourself Permission
Permission to not be perfect. Permission to cry while you speak. Permission to take breaks while writing. Permission to ask for help.
There is no "right" eulogy. There is only your tribute, spoken from the heart.
Gathering Material
Before you write, collect. Reach out to family and friends and ask:
- •What's your favourite memory of them?
- •What did they teach you?
- •What made them laugh?
- •What were they most proud of?
- •How did they make you feel?
You don't have to use everything. But having these stories gives you material to choose from.
The Structure
A eulogy typically runs 5-10 minutes (750-1500 words). Here's a structure that works:
- •Opening — Who you are and your relationship to the person
- •Biography — Brief overview of their life (not a complete timeline)
- •Character — What made them who they were
- •Stories — 2-3 specific memories that illustrate their character
- •Legacy — What they taught us / how they live on
- •Closing — Final farewell
What to Include
The best eulogies balance the universal and the specific. Include:
- •Their quirks and habits (the specific things only those close to them would know)
- •What they valued most
- •How they showed love
- •A funny moment (it's okay to laugh at a funeral)
- •What you'll miss most
What to Avoid
- •Turning it into a complete biography (focus on essence, not chronology)
- •Inside jokes that exclude most of the room
- •Controversial topics or family disputes
- •Clichés like "they're in a better place" (unless you genuinely believe this)
- •Making it about yourself
On the Day
- •Print your eulogy in large font (14pt+) — your hands may shake
- •Bring tissues and water
- •It's okay to pause and breathe
- •If you break down, take a moment — the audience understands
- •Have a backup reader if you want one
Remember: the audience isn't judging your performance. They're there to grieve alongside you and remember someone they loved.
A Final Thought
You were asked to give this eulogy because you mattered to this person, and they mattered to you. That relationship is what qualifies you — not your public speaking skills, not your way with words.
Speak from the heart. That's all anyone can ask.